LETTER TO ME

Hey guys, hi. Really been a long time since I've been here. School sweet, na assignment spoil am 😩. So what I'll be sharing today is something I once wrote on my WhatsApp and I believe some of us need to know we're not struggling alone. What am I talking about? Here you go;

Adolescence pretty much wacked me in the face. Heck, I wasn't prepared at all. The best I got was Daddy's "Don't be too familiar with the opposite sex" (and he still rings it in my ears till tomorrow). So first time I was "catching feelings", I didn't understand it. And as the confused kid I was, I didn't think running to Dad and Mom was the wisest choice (cos let's face it, back in the day, talking to our folks was hard work).

I decided to turn to God and prayer - you'd wanna sit down for this one - and in my fear of all the complex emotions I was feeling, I asked God to kill all sense of feeling. 😂. Mans wanted to just turn into a robot. Till I was mature enough to be "...familiar with the opposite sex".

Oh Lord 🙆‍♂. I prayed like my life depended on it. I prayed for him to make me into a eunuch. You know... like the unsullied (GOT people will gerrit ✌). But the more I prayed, the more my hormones raged. And sure as day, I fell. Hard fam. And another battle began. I fought guilt. I fought condemnation. I felt unworthy. And although I tried to assure myself that God loved me, I struggled to believe he did. How could he? He was the God who couldn't behold sin, and I'd committed lots of those.

I gave my life to Christ over and over. If there was a Guinness category for that, I'd be the G.O.A.T. I'd sing songs of repentance and those that assured me of God's love. I'd slave in whatever church unit I joined in church. I knew there was a throne of Mercy. But I was afraid to approach. Hell, I feared going to Church even. Cos what if I went on the day God planned on being the consuming fire? 🤷‍♂

I struggled to pray. To study. To have faith. To believe. I knew every preacher's quoted Bible text, but it held no water for me. Just another recital. The devil laughed. He jeered. And why shouldn't he? He had me cornered and I kept rising and falling. I had no peace, and in trying to make peace with myself, I left a body count trail (ya dig?)

Then I found a Bible passage where Paul was asking for a weakness to be removed. Like...PAUL 😲. And God said His strength was made perfect in Paul's weakness. The reality of our struggle is so we give it up for God to weaponise. When Paul realised it, he celebrated his weakness (I didn't say he indulged it, 2 Cor 12:9)

So like Paul, this is me "Coming out" to say I'm a struggling Christian too. I struggle with addictions, with self-control, with raging emotions, but see God says he's strength lies in those. In the fact that he can turn it around to my advantage and His glory.

This is just to say, I know your struggle. Been there. But God's got you. And like a fellow soldier, I'm here for you. You can tell me about it. I hope this helps someone.

With all my Love,
Nathan.

Facebook: Nathan Omeiza Adinoyi
IG: @neightan_