LIFE THROUGH MY EYES: FINDING YOU 5
Finding You 5
For a while after Ben and I had became a couple I had thought of introducing him to Sarah but the right time never came. Grace had been the only one who had gotten the opportunity. Probably because she had been in the same room with me and also my department mate. She and Ben had bonded over their love for sports. Grace had grown up with five brothers. She had been practically a tomboy during those periods.
I want to say I’m surprised he’s here but if I’m being honest with myself, I expected this. I wanted this. The last time I saw him was when my heart felt like it had been shattered into thousand and one pieces. It has healed from that, hasn’t it? Seeing him again would confirm that. I hadn’t heard much from him after that but I’ve been conversations where his name had popped up. Of course I tried to be the better person, talking about him as a beautiful memory. Most of the people I talked to hadn’t wondered why most information had came from them, if they did wonder, I could never tell. Most taught we had parted as friends. Him finishing his degree and moving to Cambridge for his Msc. By the time he finished his degree I had been in my second year. It had been short but explosive for me.
I turn and give Grace another smile. It seems I have enough of that today. She didn’t wait for me to guess. She stretched her hand and took mine and she walked with my hand in hers, it felt like Moses parting the red sea with his rod. All the people chatting and laughing felt like something from a distance. I look straight and there he was.
Different but still the very same person. I’ve prepared myself for this, mentally of course. I hadn’t did any vigorous training or stare at an old picture of us to see how long I could look at it before my tears starts falling. But then why do these memories keep pushing themselves to the surface. How do I keep them buried?
“Jane? Jane it’s really you” he says with a wide smile. And I swear I want to return those smile. I wish I had nothing to be angry about. Am I the only one who had been holding on to something? Has everyone moved on beside me? I want to say “Good to see you” but the words doesn’t come and maybe he thinks I’m short of words which I am but for different reasons because the next thing I see is myself embraced in a hug.
My body accepts it and I’m reminder why it feels familiar.
…………………….
The first time Ben had hugged me, I hadn’t thought twice about. He had been escorting back from night class. We had known each other for like three month and I had felt so comfortable around him. I had walked into my room giddy, the girl whose boyfriend made her feel excited all over. I haven’t thought much about those days but being here in his hands makes me want to remember how rosy it was and how bad it ended.
I offer him a small smile when I’m no longer pressed to him. I feel cold suddenly and it makes me wonder if I should have worn something warmer.
“What do you do know now? Are you married?” are his next question and I want to slap the smile that keep appearing on his face. I know Ben. There is no way he doesn’t know how far I’ve come.
“I work in a financial corporation and I’m still single” I say. The conversation is getting more awkward and I really want to live but courtesy demands. Once again I’m angry at society for dictating how far we are supposed to go. Life would be better if we could just do things we want to do and not worry about how far we are going to be judged, wouldn’t it?
“Jane, Ja…….” He says my name tapping me and I realize I must have tune him out. I look at him and I’m surprised his smile doesn’t look as confident as it was. I know what is coming. Even though I don’t want to open old wounds, it seems I have to.
“Can we talk?” he says.
It’s time.
Post by: Abubakar Abdul
IG: @archer015
Facebook: Habdul Archer
Twitter: @archer_015
For a while after Ben and I had became a couple I had thought of introducing him to Sarah but the right time never came. Grace had been the only one who had gotten the opportunity. Probably because she had been in the same room with me and also my department mate. She and Ben had bonded over their love for sports. Grace had grown up with five brothers. She had been practically a tomboy during those periods.
I want to say I’m surprised he’s here but if I’m being honest with myself, I expected this. I wanted this. The last time I saw him was when my heart felt like it had been shattered into thousand and one pieces. It has healed from that, hasn’t it? Seeing him again would confirm that. I hadn’t heard much from him after that but I’ve been conversations where his name had popped up. Of course I tried to be the better person, talking about him as a beautiful memory. Most of the people I talked to hadn’t wondered why most information had came from them, if they did wonder, I could never tell. Most taught we had parted as friends. Him finishing his degree and moving to Cambridge for his Msc. By the time he finished his degree I had been in my second year. It had been short but explosive for me.
I turn and give Grace another smile. It seems I have enough of that today. She didn’t wait for me to guess. She stretched her hand and took mine and she walked with my hand in hers, it felt like Moses parting the red sea with his rod. All the people chatting and laughing felt like something from a distance. I look straight and there he was.
Different but still the very same person. I’ve prepared myself for this, mentally of course. I hadn’t did any vigorous training or stare at an old picture of us to see how long I could look at it before my tears starts falling. But then why do these memories keep pushing themselves to the surface. How do I keep them buried?
“Jane? Jane it’s really you” he says with a wide smile. And I swear I want to return those smile. I wish I had nothing to be angry about. Am I the only one who had been holding on to something? Has everyone moved on beside me? I want to say “Good to see you” but the words doesn’t come and maybe he thinks I’m short of words which I am but for different reasons because the next thing I see is myself embraced in a hug.
My body accepts it and I’m reminder why it feels familiar.
…………………….
The first time Ben had hugged me, I hadn’t thought twice about. He had been escorting back from night class. We had known each other for like three month and I had felt so comfortable around him. I had walked into my room giddy, the girl whose boyfriend made her feel excited all over. I haven’t thought much about those days but being here in his hands makes me want to remember how rosy it was and how bad it ended.
I offer him a small smile when I’m no longer pressed to him. I feel cold suddenly and it makes me wonder if I should have worn something warmer.
“What do you do know now? Are you married?” are his next question and I want to slap the smile that keep appearing on his face. I know Ben. There is no way he doesn’t know how far I’ve come.
“I work in a financial corporation and I’m still single” I say. The conversation is getting more awkward and I really want to live but courtesy demands. Once again I’m angry at society for dictating how far we are supposed to go. Life would be better if we could just do things we want to do and not worry about how far we are going to be judged, wouldn’t it?
“Jane, Ja…….” He says my name tapping me and I realize I must have tune him out. I look at him and I’m surprised his smile doesn’t look as confident as it was. I know what is coming. Even though I don’t want to open old wounds, it seems I have to.
“Can we talk?” he says.
It’s time.
Post by: Abubakar Abdul
IG: @archer015
Facebook: Habdul Archer
Twitter: @archer_015
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