A TRIP WITH JAMES : Tiny Boobs Are Ok Too

Hey! Do you miss me?
Yeah I know you do... Its OK anyways if you don't, lol. Welcome back. If you have being following my session you must have noticed that it has being in-active for sometimes now. But nevertheless, thank God I'm back.
My last post "dilemma of a Graduate" was supposed to continue like a series before the inactivation. I will be posting subsequently the series of experiences as a graduate. This will definitely be a Job for my next post. Before then enjoy this beautiful piece...

TINY BOOBS ARE OKAY TOO:The thin line between self love and self hate.

In today’s Post we will talk about self hate,low self esteem and insecurities.

I would be joking if I told you I know how to completely get over these things but then I can tell you how to try to be more confident and comfortable in your skin and with your own life(atleast in my own way)

I’ve broken this down in the stages that they attack(the stages they attacked me)

INSECURITY
So,First is insecurity which is uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence(according to Wikipedia).

I’m sure every one of us is insecure about one thing or have been insecure about something at some point in their lives.

Well,in my case So many things made me insecure and the most infuriating part of this whole thing is that I never had to worry about my body or myself until I allowed society to penetrate my mind and infiltrate my way of reasoning.

First I was growing taller than everyone my age and uggggghhhh I did not hear the last of it! “Oh you have grown so tall” “oh where are you growing to” “oh did you drink fertilizer” My Gosh!!!

I became so shy, I stopped coming out and developed this phobia for meeting new people cos I didn’t know what they were gonna say about me or worse still think about me!

Fast forward to secondary school,up until this moment I’m still so grateful to God that I attended an all girls school because my insecurity would have gone through the roof If I attended a mixed school.

My insecurity started when I was in junior secondary school three(jss3),Most of my classmates had started menstruating and I hadn’t,they already started developing boops,ass,pimple etc. I can’t believe I wanted to have pimples eeeeewwwww!!!

So,I was always wishing I had one of those things and anytime I see my classmates having menstrual cramps I automatically become moody,to the extent that I heard someone say that If you take “choki choki” while on your period you’d develop hips,for those of you who don’t know choki choki,it is a chocolate that was really popular then in school.A friend told me that if I inhale Baygon(fleet) that my boobs will grow and I actually inhaled it once and got the worst cough ever!

After my Junior Waec my period came I was so excited I bought a pack of choki choki and finished it in a day then got the worst menstrual cramp ever and decided to rethink my life!

Then after secondary school,I got admission and my school was on strike for seven months so,I stayed at home doing nothing but getting fat.when everyone kept telling me how fat I’ve become I was so angry at my self and ashamed of how I looked that it diminished my self esteem.

SELF ESTEEM

Self-esteem reflects an individual’s overall subjective emotional evaluation of their own worth.(Wikipedia)

In my case I had low self esteem,Through out my junior class in secondary school I was really struggling with low self esteem just because I thought seniors picked on me more than they did others,it was all in my head though. I started gaining my confidence back the moment I started becoming popular as that funny girl that doesn’t take nonsense,I remember telling you guys in my last Post how I developed a defense mechanism that involved verbally attacking anyone that tried to bully me but then again there was a good side to me cos I’m a very jovial person,people say I’m funny and I’m pretty sarcastic as well so all that kinda made me popular and made me feel like I belonged.

I remember, I stopped taking pictures few months after graduating from secondary school because I felt like crap! I didn’t feel good about my self atall it was so bad that I hated myself

SELF HATRED(also called self loathing) according to WIKIPEDIA refers to an extreme dislike or hatred of oneself, or being angry at or even prejudiced against oneself. I wouldn’t say I extremely disliked myself but I was really angry at my self and I kinda hated myself for gaining weight and for falling back into the trap of insecurity again! That was basically my problem.

Now,I didn’t share this for the “gist” of it,

Like I’ve always said I want this place to be a place where you can come to and draw strength from,feel good and be happy before clicking out. I’m willing to share the most personal things as long as people can relate to it and share how I deal with them as well so it will help make people feel better.

Yes! I felt all these different emotions about my self and my body and the reason it got to my head was because I let society creep into my mind and it almost destroyed me. I’m not perfect and I can only hope I don’t relapse but then I had things that made me strong at that point things that made me get better! Well one thing actually and that is:

SELF LOVE

I’m not going to define self love according to anyone or anything because love actually means different things to and for different people.For me self love is the extreme likeness,extreme kindness towards oneself,Extreme support for oneself and acknowledgment of your struggles,your worth and the importance of your existence. I’m not gonna give you a list of do’s and don’ts because At the end of the day it all balls down to self love.

I started complimenting my self,acknowledging my talents and the things it can do for me, I went and followed people who were struggling with self esteem issues on social media so whatever uplifting things they post or say uplifts me too. I started going out more(well,a little cos I’m really an indoor person lol)and owning who I was.

If someone said “oh you gained weight” I say “awww Thank you”contrary to what I used to say before like “ are you serious,is it noticeable”etc.That change in mindset really brought me peace. I owned my tiny boobs and my height. I don’t have hips and I’m glad because I don’t have to fight with my clothes before it fits and I can go wherever I want without a bra and still look peng!! Thanks to my small boobs! Oh my fore head!!! Fore head is now a cute feature for girls,something I was so insecure about!! The circle just goes on and on!!honestly.just beYOUtiful.

The truth is no one can make you feel bad about your self without your permission,

If you tell your self “I’m beautiful,I’m awesome”etc you will radiate awesomeness and confidence all the way!

But then if you keep beating your self up and hiding from the world, it will be visible in your life and it will definitely give people the opportunity to treat you like what you’ve accepted that you are.

Insecurity,self hate and low self esteem is intertwined,there is only a thin line between them,good news is,It has one Enemy and one defense mechanism which is self love!Love in general!

Don’t get me wrong still,because SELF LOVE AND SELF HARM is also closely intertwined.If you are obese and you claim to love yourself by sitting at home and doing nothing,that’s pure self harm.If you are a chronic smoker and you claim to love your and Still smoke,that’s pure self harm.

If you love your self,Love your self enough to get help for your situation,that’s the greatest love of all. If your mental health is all over the place,love yourself enough to talk to a friend,love your self enough to go see a therapist.

Self love is likeness for your well being,Self love is Kindness to your self and self love is 50% selfishness.!

I’m still struggling everyday to love myself and we are all human,we are bound to fail but as I always say”The ability to rise back up again is the real strength”.Do not underestimate the power of affirmation and positive thinking,Think positive and tell yourself everyday “I’m beautiful” and you will radiate beauty,love and positive energy.

-themaralife

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